I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
