My liver just broke up with me...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
