I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
