So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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