She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i now understand why vodka
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
