You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize