All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
