every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
