it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize