yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
