The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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