i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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