So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
