IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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