This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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