My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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