your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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