dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Randomize
