So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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