I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
