he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
