Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
