good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
