I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
