i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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