A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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