I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
