Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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