The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
porn star boner night. come get it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
