he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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