i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
