Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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