What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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