Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
