My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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