Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
