I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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