I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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