I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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