Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize