my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
