I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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