Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and she was petting her beer can
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
