i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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