So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
