I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
