Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
