my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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