Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
