they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
