But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
