My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
