i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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