I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
God, I missed his penis.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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