Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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