he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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