i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
