is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
