were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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