ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
