Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
