i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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