I'm going to jail i love you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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