After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
