He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
