im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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