3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
