Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
